Showing posts with label vernacular. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vernacular. Show all posts

Tuesday, 16 March 2010

Toilet Habits

Earlier today, when I was enthroned and in mid ... thought, I looked up at the windowsill in my Necessarium and pondered. To the left of this little missive, you will see a picture of the reading material that sits in my Chapel of Ease in perpetuity. 

I contend, dear reader, that my bookstack is proof enough of my blokishness if nothing else is. 

You will notice that the Lord Clarkson features prominently in my selection if those books best able to accompany the natural processes, and you may even note that my own writing style is somewhat influenced by the Man of Cars. Every house needs a small shelf purely for rant-reads and factoids. More especially, that small assortment of literary delectations finds its rightful place in none less the Little Curate's Room (the room that is small, not the Curate - take that how you like). I am aware that the Good Lord watches over all that I do, and alarming as that is, I think that a prayerful moment whilst adorning the Porcelain Trumpet is, well, wrong. 

So, friends, welcome to my 6' x 4' Blokery - a place where I can absorb the Vernacular of others (and those who get paid for it). All these editions were purchased in High Street Stores, so I needn't feel embarassed by having a book called 'Do Ants have Arseholes' or 'Is it just me or is Everything Shit' (the book called 'Do Bats have Bollocks' seems to have vanished - it will emerge covered in crayon soon enough). But, before you think that this is simply a Fellows-esque swear-a-thon, you will not have failed to notice the full back catalogue of David Attenborough - though in truth they are only there because they are too big for the other shelves. Former bookstacks in former Domiciles of the China Telephone have been the entire works of Calvin and Hobbes, with some Gary Larson and Garfield mixed in! 

So, readers - what books adorn your Temples of Relief? Any responses that include 'The Bible' will be treated as foul lies and calumnies.

Sunday, 20 December 2009

The first step

I am writing this, not because I particularly want to, but because I have a niggling sense that I ought to. I am not sure that I have anything to say, not of any value at any rate, and I am also not entirely confident that the bilge from my ruminations is worth paddling in.

If you are reading this, and you are not me, then you might be a little curious as to who I am. Well, I am David Cloake, resident of Aylesbury in Buckinghamshire (in England [optimistic hope of international readers]). I am an ordained priest in the Church of England, having been so for a few months now. I am married to a wonderful woman called Jo, known to me simply as 'Jo', and we have twin daughters, Jessica and Rebekah. I am sure that I will talk about them later, so will not test your patience here.

I refer to myself as the Vernacular Curate for the simple reason that I am a normal 'bloke'. When not affecting a Vicar Voice, I can have a mouth like a sewer, exuding the considered opinions from my overly cynical mind. I get annoyed more than I ought (and you will discover this soon enough), rant at a whim and I like a pint of Beer (beer, mind - not chemical yellow stuff in green bottles from a fridge, that is not beer).

Hobbies ... nah, no time, what with the kids and 'The Ministry' - (apply your own orchestral embellishment whenever I say 'The Ministry', then feel daft for doing so, as you will be the only one so doing). I used to Paraglide, play squash, sleep, have time for me, have time for prayer; all in the past and I will re-acquaint myself with them all in retirement.

So, I am religious. I will talk a lot about religious things. Why? Not sure really. I don't know who I am writing to, but the link will land on the Parish website, so the Curate ought to say some things that sound moderately religious. I believe in the God of the Trinity and am a follower of Jesus Christ. My leanings in terms of practice could be best described as catholic, ritualisitic, Sacramental, but with less fussiness of late (I think that I need more sleep to appreciate fussiness; now I just get moody about it). I have ceremonial OCD, so please put that chair back, and I like my music pre-Neanderthal (I do not own a Matt Redman album, but I can tell that you are impressed that I know the name).

Those of you who have never written a blog, and until ten minutes ago that included me, you might wonder why this feels decidedly odd. I am writing to a void at the moment. If you have got this far, then you might be willing to carry on with this with me. I will appreciate your company as we come to the Christmas of 2009 and the anticipation of a new calendar year. I will write periodically, not daily, as I have a life that needs me in it, but maybe I will work out a routine and something worthwhile in the meantime.

Peace and Blessings to you

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