Tuesday, 16 March 2010

Toilet Habits

Earlier today, when I was enthroned and in mid ... thought, I looked up at the windowsill in my Necessarium and pondered. To the left of this little missive, you will see a picture of the reading material that sits in my Chapel of Ease in perpetuity. 

I contend, dear reader, that my bookstack is proof enough of my blokishness if nothing else is. 

You will notice that the Lord Clarkson features prominently in my selection if those books best able to accompany the natural processes, and you may even note that my own writing style is somewhat influenced by the Man of Cars. Every house needs a small shelf purely for rant-reads and factoids. More especially, that small assortment of literary delectations finds its rightful place in none less the Little Curate's Room (the room that is small, not the Curate - take that how you like). I am aware that the Good Lord watches over all that I do, and alarming as that is, I think that a prayerful moment whilst adorning the Porcelain Trumpet is, well, wrong. 

So, friends, welcome to my 6' x 4' Blokery - a place where I can absorb the Vernacular of others (and those who get paid for it). All these editions were purchased in High Street Stores, so I needn't feel embarassed by having a book called 'Do Ants have Arseholes' or 'Is it just me or is Everything Shit' (the book called 'Do Bats have Bollocks' seems to have vanished - it will emerge covered in crayon soon enough). But, before you think that this is simply a Fellows-esque swear-a-thon, you will not have failed to notice the full back catalogue of David Attenborough - though in truth they are only there because they are too big for the other shelves. Former bookstacks in former Domiciles of the China Telephone have been the entire works of Calvin and Hobbes, with some Gary Larson and Garfield mixed in! 

So, readers - what books adorn your Temples of Relief? Any responses that include 'The Bible' will be treated as foul lies and calumnies.


  1. The little brown edition tucked in between some others is my favourite, now decrepit book of Limericks - I love 'em.

    There once was a lady from Nantucket ....

  2. oh Cloakey you protesteth too much.. are you ashamed of your girly side?

  3. Meh - it is largely fossilised these days, tho let us not forget my penchant for wearing a dress for a living!

  4. LOL! Love this post - especially your line about praying on the lav being, well, wrong! As our busy lives take over I do sometimes find myself once sat on said throne, beginning to pray. Perhaps it's just the subconcious thought of being sat down for a few mins in quiet that starts it, but I always feel that it is wrong, and the number of times I have apologised to the Lord for praying on the loo, is just not funny... As for the books, I am delighted to say that thanks to a recent DIY overhaul of our house, there are no books in the lav anymore! hurrah!

  5. Jonathan (a different one)12 July 2010 at 19:12

    Ants → Arseholes
    Bats → Bollocks



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