On being a bloke IV

I have recieved some kind comments from those who have read this piffle, and who recognise the difficulties that I do in fitting in to a church that is largely composed of all other types and brands of people, and not us. There is something of the 'sheep and goats' to it - but us fellas feel a little like the only goat in an entire field, nay county, of sheep. This is problematic both for us, and how we fit in, and for those called to cater for needs of all people. 

It is fair to say, and accurate, that the majority of churches are largely devoid of fellas - certainly if we broaden that to males between 20 and 50. This is not a universal state of affairs by any means, but almost a mathematical certainty in those churches of a more sacramental 'bent'. This is a worry - it was a worry to me as a member of the laity, and no less a worry now that I am ordained. Sadly, being male (while utterly out of our control) brings with it the reverse stigma in a lot of ways that women have had to contend with for generations. Those of us who are 'pro-women', rejoice in the equalised 'voice' that is emerging, but we geezers ponder a factor that is perhaps less visible. It is almost a factor for immediate apology being a proud bloke in a church. I have never in my life sought to limit the ministry of any person, male or female, but neither can or will I be sorry for being man. It's a tension that is hard to resolve. For me to stand up and be a proud fella puts me in danger of accusation (or so it feels). Being proud of who I am does not make me sexist - but I do fear for how my generation of gentleman feels - especially those of us at 'our end' where the 'anti' camp is at its most vociferous. Some have assumed, quite wrongly, that because I and another of my closest friends is carflick, that we are by default anti-women. Nope, not us ....

So, what to do - how do I live as a proud man in a church that doesn't cater for us. I am speaking as one who does the catering too - what to do, indeed! I would go so far as to say that modern day non-charismatic non-Alpha (yes, there are two or three humans who are 'not interested' [please stop sending me unsolicited propaganda]) church life is about as interesting to the typical geezer as the BNP tick-box is to most voters. It just isn't. Sorry! But what to do. I want to cater for all people, not just the well-populated 50+ female band, love them as I do. I know God loves us, but I haven't worked out how I can help build a church where we feel that we have a place.

The Mysogenist Creed 2010

When my most excellent missus and me discovered that we were going to be parents (and way before finding out that two little ankle-biters were spawned), we recieved much good advice on parenting. One that stuck in our minds was: 'say "yes" as often as you can, but if you have to say "no", mean it'. I was able to readily adjoin to this sage directive as it feels like an essentially Christian way of thinking. It has the feel of something that God might think (though we are sure that this didn't come to us in a dream Joseph-style). It has a feel of enablement, opportunity, freedom - but within the confines of determined boundaries that were robust and clear. Bada-boom, bada-bing - parenting made easy.

I was alarmed to read an article in today's Daily Express http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/157891/Vicar-Women-should-shut-up - the title is in the link. This is where my blokishness overtakes me, and I find myself getting annoyed and apt to speak out of turn. In essence, this is a story of a Curate (the same as me) preaching a sermon (like I do) about the submissive role that women should adopt before their husbands (because, like Christ, they are the head of the family, apparently). This is a Curate, about the same age as me, with a wife and kids. As if this weren't bad enough his boss, The Rector, advocates the view that wives should 'remain silent' and obey their husbands. What kind of Pumpkin Factory were these Reverends trained at? In my College, if anyone sat and aired a view like that in any tone louder than inner-monologue, they would have been gutted, battered and fried before their bile and spittle had hit the floor-tiles! Yes, this is all rooted in a statement made by Paul, but lest we forget, women were also rendered social pariahs after menstruation - unclean unclean unclean burn burn burn. One assumes that Mrs Curate isn't consigned to the cupboard under the stairs at that time - or perhaps she is. She was very upset by the harsh criticism that her poor little lamb was recieving. If that were my wife, I would have recieved - quite properly - a swift kick in the testes for such an antiquated, offensive commentary. This particular Jelly Shop in Sevenoaks is now the lighter by a significant number of offended women. 

This is part of a wider issue upon which I feel strongly called to comment upon here. It isn't just the Jellies of course, but also the Carflicks that have members of their number who seem to favour men over women in the contemporary Christian context. My testicles do not afford me the right to think I am in any way advantaged in any aspect of  life under the Lord. Yes, people held this view once. Yes, people also stoned others to death in public (at about the same time in history). Yes, people also emptied their personal effluent on to the street below their bedroom windows.

I have spent a nice week away with my family, and we work as a team, with all the joys and dysfunctions - and I am in no way its 'head'. While away, I got around to some fine 'people-watching', and it is clear that there are so many different people.They look different, they sound different, they dress differently, are different ages and different genders, they think differently, they hope and fear for different things. What they need (even if the vast majority wouldn't claim to 'want') is a Church that said 'yes' to all that they are and all that they bring. even (dare I say it) if it is a sense that God calls them to ministry. The challenge to my ministry is how I adapt all that I do to make it accessible to the people whom I encounter every day. I do embrace difference when it is in oppostion to my own views. However, I get the right hump when Prize-Winning Plums stand up and damage my Church by peddling their twaddle in public like they did in Kent last week - such as gets headlines like this one. I visited their parish website, and noticed that you do well in that place if you are women and you don't work (that is to say, you don't hold down paid employment), because one assumes that all the little obedient wifies there remain at home and bake while the strapping beefy breadwinning menfolk go out and kill bison all day and write wise sonnets all night. Whilst I am clearly characaturing wildly here, I cannot for the life of me understand why the (remaining) women of that community in Sevenoaks find this line of theology even mildly acceptable in this day and age!

May God help me if I am wrong, and it turns out that it is right and appropriate for one half of a civilised society to diminsh the rights and place of the other. If that is right, then may God help us all. Amen.