Laydees and Germs, it is my pleasure to announce that my tea-leaves have announced that by his Holy Spirit God has announced the new Archbish. I am just waiting for Bet Fred to confirm and I will let you in on it.
Many blog posts have already been written in this vein today already, I am sure. But c'mon people.
The spiritual leader of the over 70 million God-fearing folk; the new head of the Church of England, the new Boss. Do we hear all about it in the Church Times? Do the clergy get an email?
No, the bookies give the game away.
Because we now have proof that God gambles. He went in to his local Willy Hill, placed an 'each-way' on the next General Synod and some other ailing nags, grabbed his mobile, keys and fags and left without taking with him his note-to-self about the new man for England. It was found by Wilf the cleaner who personally passed it to Ruth Gledhill (who may have been in for a punt too) who seems to have pigeoned it to dear Giles of Sarfeast Lundun, resulting in a Facebook exploding blog-post propagating frenzy of "I gotta tell em first".
Blow the US presidential election, this is far more preposterous. What worries me a little is that this chap Welby who no-one seems to know might just be the last name to emerge after this game of national chinese-whispers. Who knows what name was uttered first? I had my money on Bp Willard Romney.
Back to the vine for me. I have a Kingdom to help build.
(I am guessing that my lack of letter means I am not moving to Lambeth then. Next time, eh)