Friday, 15 July 2011

A Liturgy for the Creation and Propagation of a Google+ Account

A Liturgy for the Creation and Propagation of a Google+ Account

This rite requires careful preparation by the internet user and other participants, and is not normally to be used as the regular Sunday or weekday surf.

¶             Preparation
Grace, mercy and peace
from Sergey Brin, Larry Page
and Andy Hertzfeld from Google,
be with you
All                and also with you.
This is the ISP that the Lord has made.
All                Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Hymn or song – ‘Here I am, Lord; Logging in, Lord’

Prayers of Penitence
Jesus says, ‘Repent, for the Google Kingdom is close at hand.’
So let us turn away from our Facebook and turn to Google,
confessing our Pokes in penitence and faith.
All           Lord Google,
we have sinned against you;
we have done evil in your sight.
We are sorry and repent for our Facebook ways.
Have mercy on us according to your love.
Wash away our Poking and cleanse us from our Super Pokes.
Renew a right Circle around us
and restore to us the joy of your Hangouts;
through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
May the Father of all social media pages
cleanse you from your Facebook sins,
and restore you with hope of a Google+ account
to the praise and glory of Google,
through Chrome, Firefox and Internet Explorer.
All                Amen.

Gloria in Excelsis
All            Glory to Google in the highest,
and peace to their people online.
Lord Google, heavenly Chrome,
almighty Google Doodle,
we worship you, we give you thanks,
we praise you for your search engine.
Lord Google Chrome, a Son of the Brin,
Lord Google+, Lamb of Page,
you take away the sin of Facebook:
have mercy on us;
you are seated at the large desk of the User:
receive our prayer.
For you alone are the Privacy Setting Enhanced One,
you alone are the Google,
you alone are the Most High, Google+,
(though as yet without an Apple App),
in the glory of Google the All Powerful

ISP Eleison
Google+, have mercy.
All                Google+, have mercy.
Google+, have mercy.
All                Chrome, have mercy.
Chrome, have mercy.
All                Chrome, have mercy.
Google+, have mercy.
All                Google+, have mercy.
Google+, have mercy.

¶             The Liturgy of the Word

Hymn or song – ‘Google Divine, Internet Accelerator’

Gospel Reading
When the Gospel is announced the reader says
Hear the Gospel of our new Social Media  according to Matthew
‘Enter through the new Google+; for the gate is wide and the road is easy - that leads to Facebook, and there are many who take it.

All                Google you, O Lord (with 446,000,000 results in 0.22 seconds)
This is the Google of the Lord.
All                Praise to you, O Chrome.

The Gathering – and all new members shall gather unto themselves names of vaguely familiar people

All            I believe in Google, the corporation almighty,
controller of heaven and earth.
I believe in Google+, its favoured Son, our lord,
who was conceived by Brin and Page,
born of the internet,
suffered under Mark Zuckerberg,
was trialled, launched, and was quickly over-subscribed;
it descended into farce.
On the third day it rose again;
it ascended into viability,
it is seated at the right hand of the Analytics,
and it will come to judge the Pokers and Farmville.
I believe in Google,
the many Google applications,
the communion of users,
the forgiveness of Pokes
the take-over of the world,
and the life everlasting.

¶             Prayers – I the Lord of Google Earth

Prayers of anti-spam and monetisation

The Lord’s Prayer
As our Saviour taught us, so we pray:
All           Our Father in Google,
hallowed be your Doodle,
your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as in the ether.
Give us today our IP Address.
Forgive us our slow routers
as we forgive those who spam our inboxes.
Lead us not into Facebook
but deliver us from power-failure.
For Blogger, Analytics,
and Google+ are yours
now and for ever.

Hymn or Song – I the Lord of Google Earth

¶             The Liturgy of the Setting up of the Account

The Password
The password of the account be always with you
All                but not with you.
Let us enter the names of our children as passwords.
All may sign up now.

Preparation of the Computer

Taking of the Login and Password

The login details of the people may be gathered and entered.
The screen is prepared and login and password are placed upon it.
The President and CEO take possession of your mortal soul.

The Account Creation Prayer
The president says
Google+ be with you
All                and also with you.
Google+ is here.
All                His Facebook is gone.
Lift up your mice.
All                We place them on the mouse mat.
Let us give thanks to provider of our internet.
All                It is right to give password and login.
The new user praises Google for its mighty acts and all respond
All                Digital, digital, digital Lord,
Google of power and might,
internet and computer are full of your glory.
Spam setting at the highest.
[Blessed is he who comes over from Facebook.
Respect in the highest.]
The president recalls the First Login,
an acclamations may be used
Great is the mystery of Google
All                Facebook has died:
Chrome is updated:
Google will come again.
The Setup continues and leads into the doxology, to which all respond boldly
All                Bugger, it crashed.

Setting Up of the Account
The user enters all personal details, excepting Blood Type and mother’s maiden name.

We set up this account
to share in the body of social media.
All               Though we are many, we are five Circles,
because we all share in gadget-obsession.

The Confirming of the Account
Authorized words of authorization are used and the new user replies

Prayer after Use of Google+

¶             The Loggin Out

Hymn – One More Step along the Setup I Go

The place of Google,
which passes all understanding,
keep your hearts and minds
in the knowledge and love of Google,
its affiliates, Applications and Uses,
the Internet, Chrome, and Google+, and the Account Verification
be in your Inbox and remain with you at the exclusion of Facebook.
All                Amen.
Go in peace to login and gather more friends.
All                And put them in Circles. Amen.
The ministers and people login and forget about the end.

Copyright acknowledgement (where not already indicated above):
Some material included in this service is marginally offensive: ©  The Vernacular's Council 2000
ISP Eleison ©  Nerds and Gadgeteers 2002


  1. Oh dear, I enjoyed that more than any serious-minded Anglican has any right to do!
    I am gratified to know that I am among the majority of Google+ users whose sins of omission so far outweigh their sins of commission. I would feel morally superior to those Pokers and Super-Pokers, except for the sad admission that I have never learnt how to Poke, still less Super-Poke, and cannot really therefore claim any great virtue thereto.
    May Google+ be with us, and may we be with Google+ for ever and ever, or if that is too optimistic, until the next social media invention comes along.

  2. Really made me smile! I wonder how long before we get the button to automatically share on Google + as we already have for Twitter, Facebook etc.

  3. You probably need a lot longer hymn than One More Step to cover up the inactivity at the Taking of the Login and Password

  4. What a hoot you are, David! Well done.

  5. Just been appointed to the Diocesan Liturgical committee - good to get some great ideas!!

  6. Haven't you got any packing to be doing....?



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