Monday, 27 June 2011

I Don't Understand

Gender Labels - I don't understand why every single telly programme in Britain that involves real human beings (as distinct from slebs), involves a presenter who insists on calling everyone "guys". Not just on telly, oh no - but in restaurants, even fairly posh ones, my wife is referred to, en bloc with me, as a "guy". Why oh why "guys", guys? My wife is not a guy ... unless I missed something profound in GCSE Biology.

The Four Seasons - I don't understand why when ever someone decides that they can play the violin quite well, that they release another version of Vivaldi's Four Seasons more awful than the last. Some classical music wasn't built to be funked [careful spelling there] up and to sound like it is being played in hurry with a handsaw. Vanessa Mai, but Nigel Kennedy - you may not. Let us take our Lady Blunt Stradivariuses and play nice. 

Disclaimers - It is now a statistical fact that the statistical frame of reference has changed. No more can we be concerned with the amount of our life spent sleeping, queuing and sitting in the Throne of Contemplation. No, we have a new measure. That measure is delivered in the voice, no less, of Antandeck, that parted conjoined multiple birth of TV fame. I now know that approximately 83.556% of my life will be spent listening to the words "phones lines are now closed. Any calls made now will not count, but you may still be charged". I always knew this but only the eejits and residents of the borderlands of Muppetry did not, and so lost homes and satellite dishes occured as a result of mobile phone -TV interaction. Let them call - let us regard it as an idiot tax and save priceless years of our lives by the removal of this disclaimer. I can read the future, ladies and gentlemen. Somewhere, this very day, a window-licking sort will be undertaking an action that will result in Frightened PC UK sending out the following warning before every programme: "Please take your finger out of that plug socket. Any entry made now may not cause your death, but you are sure to be charged

Bloggers - when a blogger marries another blogger, what are their off-spring called? 

Charity Begins at Home - I am all for charity and being philanthropic. If I had the cash, I would be that way too. However, we recently learned that Dave is giving away another £800million for vaccines to kids in other countries. Great. Except that this exceeds that amounts given by almost every one else put together, apparently. This in the same week when 30,000 of our war heroes, former nurses and doctors, people's granddads and grandmas, people's aging mothers and fathers are risking homelessness from their care homes because the cash is running out ... at the very time when they reluctantly ask society to help them after a life of service (and tax payments), and apologise for being a burden. Balance, people; balance!  

It's this heat - makes me grumpy (except for the nuptial bloggers, that is nice)


  1. Can't help on Vivaldi, Disclaimers or even Charity (except that it is the greatest of these, naturally).

    Your problem with guys and gals has been the subject of erudite theses. What about as a starting point?

    Offspring of a guy Blogger and a gal Blogger might be 'Bloglet' (by extrapolation from 'Sheikhlet', idiomatic variant for offspring of Sheikhs in the Arabian Gulf)?

  2. Wow, I was wondering what side of the bed you got out of this morning :)

    Baby bloggers could be called 'blo' or even 'bro'(getting into this now)?

    As for charity, well, Overseas Aid is something which if carefully directed can do some good, but it seems a bit strange that we are taking away money from the needy to give more to the 'haves' such as India?

    The treatment of the elderly in this country is a disgrace. Whether veteran or not, they appear to be on the far fringes of society and are generally disregarded, refused proper treatment and left to cope in unsuitable surroundings on poverty incomes. Their value appears to me to be considered a liability, in a society where individualism, selfishness and the young and celebrity are lauded.

    Come the revolution (meaning Christian revolution) all will be fixed, but somehow I wonder if we'll have to wait for the second coming before that happens.

  3. 1. You really need to stop watching ITV.
    2. The offspring of male & female bloggers would be called a miracle because they will never tear themselves away from their computer screens for long enough to procreate.
    3. Don't get me started on Cameron and his antics. Just don't!

  4. In much the same vein as Doorkeeper, I think the offspring of bloggers would be Blunders, since there would clearly be no time to bring them up.

  5. The great thing about guys is that it refers to all ages. There is no decent female equivalent. Women, girls, ladies....all nonsense.

    I love that my girls call all their mates (!) guys and it doesn't matter whether they're male or female.

  6. Thanks for your comment Erika! I confess that my default for everyone from my wife to my mum to my Rector is "mate" - but I hope in a nice way! Even my little girls are "mate" and "mate" (though men are sometimes "chap" or "bloke" and some of my older ladies are "woman")

    I see your point entirely though :)



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