Monday, 13 December 2010


I can't remember a time when I wasn't tired. It is as normal and ever-present for me as the nose on my face and the ears that poke out of the side of my head. It has had phases, all bringing a different breed of tiredness.

Teenager Tired - late nights, perhaps the odd drink and early mornings required of life at college and the paper-round retained for years for the cash it provided.

Retailer Tired - heavy days of manual handling, unloading rolls of carpets, a couple of tons of rubber underlay - single handedly, extensive hours, the adrenalin of sales, the lack of time to eat a proper lunch (lunch is for wimps, apparently) and the compensation to appetite of gallons of poor coffee - all fed a tiredness that was more physical than emotional.

Parent Tired - the crippler! The unremitting needs of twins, disturbed nights, woefully early mornings, no stopping, high energy, high stress (in a good way when worrying and willing on little ones), high physicality born of much lifting and carrying, few moments to pause - all feed a tiredness that is now becoming more and more debilitating. 

Ministry Tired - the mind of a minister never stops. We are reflecting on things, reflecting on reflecting on things, praying for people, hoping and wishing the best - added to by the exhaution of carrying worship for others, carrying their hopes and fear with them, feeling what they feel, journeying alongside - all these things feed an emotional tiredness at times.

Tiredness is the thing I hate most about my existence on this Rock. I love my life and all those in it, but tiredness is, little by little, crushing me. My arms feel heavier, my eyes sting at times. I am normal, and my life is normal - the tiredness, though, seems unremitting. I am one who needs a Straight Eight at night, takes a while to wake - and getting a Mixed Six with disturbance and a fraught 'first-thing' - all these things cause me to feel stress simply through the act of waking. Tiredness for me is a weight around my shoulders. I am an energetic man, but in the background, there is a deficit. So often, I get to a stage where a gentle voice in my head yells 'please just leave me alone - just for a minute' - a moment before I shake it off and carry on. 

Ministry is a perfect joy, and parenthood too - for me. However, the combination of the two is at times problematic. I am so blessed, but I wonder if need bigger batteries. I seek no sympathy, just a place to call out, and this is the place. Life with my beautiful daughters is everything I could ask, but it never stops. Were anything else so constant other than these two perfect little girls, then I would surely have fallen over by now.


  1. And all the Oldies say - Enjoy it while it lasts - trouble is that there is much truth in that statement. You don't have to wonder what life is all about, it's full on 100% everyday. A family plus ministry is an almost impossible task..... but well worth it. Prayers and blessings for a peaceful oasis somewhere in the run up to Christmas.

  2. Mate - I was a zombie for five years with mine (3 years total gap between the 3). You want to enjoy the kids and yet the dogged tiredness saps most of the joy. My prayer life consisted of 'please God can I have some more sleep'.. it gets much much better surprisingly quickly. Hang in there.

  3. I'm adding you to my prayer list. Peace, peace, peace.

  4. I remember it well-I listen to my daughter now saying the same trying to juggle life with 2 lively little boys with her job, etc etc. I say to you as I keep saying to her-Enjoy it , say yes when help is offered, it will soon be over and they will be the tired ones. Make sure you and Mrs Curate get lots of time together to recharge your batteries spiritual and temporal. I love reading your just being who you are posts.

  5. ....and then suddenly they are gone. They don't call, they don't write (quite rightly) and you are left, alone, thinking 'where did it go - and why can I not sleep past 6am any more, however hard I try?'



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