Friday, 16 April 2010

The Curate's Egg II

Egg of the Day: Devilled

Isn't it a funny topsy-turvy world that we live in. I am young yet feel so old in the face of things that happen around me. My world-weariness is getting cramp these days!

1. Television Programmes: Why is it that the people who make our programme viewing offer us an implicit judgement on the people of our country. For example, if you are a worker from the 'City', then you can afford to be seen on Relocation Relocation Relocation. If you are a poor estate hound (I am from such a background myself), then you are only invited to be televised if your kids are obese and their teeth are rotten to the stumps. If you are mintikins (which is to say, wealthy in money if not in personality), you get filmed converting your derelict barn into flats for other mintikins folk. If you are IQ disadvataged, you get your wives swapped, or your kids put in a boot camp. Still, let us not ignore the zeal of the recycler's heart in TV land these days: we make Slebs out of those who are odd enough to make ratings and then recycle them as Slebs in all other programmes later. 

2. Haters of Race Hate: Question: What do you get when you meet hate with hate? Answer: Hate. Question: What do you get when you meet hate with a poster with a design that looks for all the world like a blood stain? Answer: An implicit statement of what might happen, if you catch my drift. You may remember that I commented on the planned arrival of the EDL into our town. Well, this is now well documented and the EDL publicity machine is working a dream - however, it is not their people doing the leg-work, it is the haters of race hate. I have learned most and heard most from the 'good guys' - if were left ot the EDlL themselves, half of the town would be none the wiser. At a meeting in Aylesbury where the love-music-militants of Oxford told the people of Aylesbury how we were going to orchestrate our reaction to our problem (with one such starlet toddling off to the ivory tower of University on Saturday, so can't be there on the day, sorry guys) - we were greeted with the comment that the EDL are somehow 'ignorant and stupid'. Meh, no organisation that can get so many huffing and puffing militants around a table of an evening can be that stupid. Is the tail wagging the dog or the dog wagging the tale - answers on a postcard. Hate is wrong in any form - be that in dungarees or a hoodie.

3. Compensation Culture: Question: What do you get when you mix the exhaust from one volcano with a jet-stream and the engines of jet engines? Answer: Carnage, blood, guts, planes hitting floors like darts, that's what. Consequence: Cancel flights to save life and limb. Excellent. A TV interviewer spoke to a disgruntled traveller who wanted to know who was going to compensate him for his missed business meeting. What?! I know, let's do a Billy Connelly and sue God for the volcano. Celestial compensation is bound to be heavenly. Let's subpoena Jesus as a material witness and the Blessed Virgin and advocate for the Defence. I know, I am going to form a group called Love Music Mildly Irritated By Volcanoes that Knacker My Meeting Plans - then I can issue a poster showing a B52 bombing said magma-funnel before scuttling off back to my Ivory Tower. Meh ....

4. Curate's Conference: That should be good. Off to pack ... l8rs.

(PS - if like me your boat isn't floated by Lorry-Trailer bands, DJ's (I prefer morning suits anyway) and Live PAs (well dead ones can't do the filing after all), then meet me in the pub on the Bicester Road - we can grumble together about them young'ns)

1 comment:

  1. I love your rants - don't ever stop. See you at the curate's conference



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